Just Another Day

Did I have any gay moments today?

When I logged on tonight I was thinking I didn’t have any gay moments today, but hell they are all gay moments. I had coffee this morning with about fifteen other gay men. I went to the Fairytales Presentation Society film library and I pre screened two movies for the gay film festival in May and I watched another gay film just because it looked like it might be good. It was The New Twenty and was not all that great.

My on going battle with staying off the chat sites was not that good. I did chat with a very nice guy who I actually hooked up with in the spring.  He came over to my house we got along just fine and had a good conversation which led to the bedroom. He didn’t tell me but he doesn’t like tattoos and piercings. He saw the ear rings and thought he could tolerate those, but when we got into the bedroom and he saw my tattoos and nipple piercings and PA, he just couldn’t move past them.  He is a very nice guy. We share many interests.  There was definitely some sexual interest and attraction but it just could not happen for him.  I have since taken out the nipple rings and the PA.  I went to his choir concert in June, with a ticket that he gave me. We have chatted on line a few times but the tattoos just are not going anywhere and in fact I am considering some more.

I am sure this kind of thing has happened to straight men with tattoos and piercings too, but I feel like it is a gay moment for me.

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A New STD

Who would have thought that head lice would be the new Sexually Transmitted Disease?

The itchy scalp that my doctor told me was sebarreah(sp?) was actually head lice.  He gave me a prescription and it didn’t work so I went back to see him this morning and guess what. It was head lice.

Besides the fact that the prescription didn’t work, even after a refill, I had an e mail and a Yahoo chat with a guy with whom I had oral sex which, as you may know, involves putting your head into your partners pubic area.  This guy is one hairy dude, by the way. He was on a conference call, working from home and he was itchy so he saw something on one of his pubic hairs and pulled it out and layed it on the desk. I know! What the hell was he doing having a conference call wearing just his underpants?  It started to move.  There was a very tiny crab like creature attached to the hair. He pulled out some more and they were all moving.  Sounds like a good scene in a bad horror movie to me.  I heard this story the day before he went to the clinic, when he contacted me to find out if I had lice because I was the only one he had been “intimate” with in the last six months, including his wife, although they do still sleep together.  That is another concern I have, and will no doubt go on about another time.

The next day I didn’t hear from him, and became concerned, because I didn’t think I had head lice.  A pharmacist and my doctor had both told me my symptons were not those of head lice. I did, however, pull some hairs out of my head on Sunday and guess what was attached. You got it. There were small crab like creatures on them. My hairy sex partner had been to a masseur in Vancouver, and I thought he may have picked his up there, but I must have been the donor.

Where the hell did I get them? The information sheet in the medication I got in the form of a cream rinse from the pharmacy says that the lice can only be transmitted by head to head contact, but my guess is that head to crotch contact works too. Now my head was in a few crotches while I was away on holiday and since I do love to kiss I also had head to head contact with several men as well. Who gets names, or in some cases even sees the faces and bodies they come into contact with when enjoying adventurous sex?  I am always very careful to have protected sex, and was quite happy when three weeks ago I had the HIV and STD tests and they all came back negative.  In the mean time I should have been paying attention to the itchy scalp that just would not go away.

The cream rinse seems to have done its job. The itch is still there but I think it is just sensitive skin now because before there was always this brown, dried blood looking stuff, which I now know was the eggs for the nits, are not there.  I did not use the complete bottle of the anti lice formula just in case there is a stubborn little egg in there waiting to hatch and attack my scalp.

I have, for the most part, stayed out of the Squirt and Silver Daddies chat rooms today. I am feeling self conscious about being with another guy until I am sure these pesky little critters are clearly out of my life.  I have been out for coffee with a friend. I have completed quite a bit of sewing, and tried only to watch entertaining television. I am now going to bed to read.

It feels like it has been a good Gay Life’s Like That day today.

Another Night Alone

Do all gay men get lonely at night?

I seem to be able to keep myself busy during the day and the early evening. I do some sewing, read, watch television and sometimes talk on the phone to my friends or family. As the evening goes on I start to feel lonely.  That has probably contributed to me being on Squirt entirely too much.  Hell sometimes there were two hundred men just waiting to talk to me about sex. Ya  sure. I did manage to stay off line most of this evening.  OK so I did chat with a guy in Cold Lake Alberta who likes to wear thongs and be naked but doesn’t get the opportunity to do it very much, because he is married. There was also a brief chat with a guy in Toronto, but it was two hours later there and he was tired. I also chatted with a guy who is from Calgary, and I have met him here a couple of times, but he is in Vancouver with his wife.  Now it is 00:16 and I am going to bed by myself.

Going to bed by myself is what I do pretty much every night. You would think I would have some kind of strategy by now.  I do.  It is  7.5 mg tablet of Zopiclone. One pill used to work. Now I take one and a half pills.  So I guess my strategy is now 9.75 mg of Zopiclone.  I tried to stop cold it didn’t work.  I just stayed awake all night and couldn’t function the next day.  I tried replacing it with Melatonin and B12 at my doctor’s suggestion.  That didn’t work either. So I will continue to put myself to sleep with chemicals I guess.  That has nothing to do with being gay, and is probably symptomatic of many single men and women, gay and straight.

I have some kind of rash, itchy scalp thing going on.  My doctor called it sebarreah (sp?) and prescribed some drops to clear it up. I have almost finished the second bottle of the of the drops and it is getting worse, and seems to have migrated to my eyebrows and eyelashes.  Tomorrow I will try to make an appointment to see him again.  What are the chances that he will be able to see me?  Slim to none. So I will go to the clinic and spend the day there waiting to see some overworked doctor who is either taking extra shifts to make money or can’t afford to set up a practice of his own or is a married woman who takes shifts for the money while the kids are in school.

I have no idea how I got this condition. It started when I was on holiday in Ontario in August. I could have picked it in the bed of a guy I slept with a couple of times, at the tubs in Toronto or Montreal, in the hotel in Montreal or Renfrew or any other of the dodgey kinds of places I visited. Or being a gay man looking for love in all the wrong places might have nothing to do with it at all.

Television was in my life tonight, but there were no sit coms, a little news, and mostly television drama.  I don’t know if that is better than reading, but I did do a little of that today too. I also did some sewing and should have done some house cleaniong.  My apartment is starting to look like a straight man lives here, except, of course, for the sewing machine set up on my dining room table.

On a positive note I did go to church, teach a Sunday School class and go to coffee with a friend today.

Back At It

I have decided that I want more than I can get from hook ups on sites like Squirt and Silver Daddies.  They are also a giant time wasters.

In my resolution to stay out of the gay chat rooms I have managed to read one and a half books in the last five days.  I think I want to be a writer, and I believe that a writer has to be a reader.  The time I spent chatting up guys on sites or just looking for —  who knows what? — could have been spent reading.  Now that is what I am doing. Reading, Reading, Reading.

I have also left the junk TV behind. Who needs to watch re runs of Sex and the City so often they can identify the episode in the first minute.  I can do it.  What a waste of time. Reba at 11:00PM? Please honey, if you can’t go to sleep read a book, even watch a good movie but sit coms are definitely for those who can’t think for any longer than the eight to ten minutes between commercials on those shows.

Back to the chat rooms. Who was I kidding thinking I was going to find Mr. Right there?  For starters there are too many married men in those chat rooms. Many of them have no real intention to meet up with anyone.  They might like to, but very few of them actually do, and they will be the “no shows” they all claim to never be. When I have made connections with guys on these sites, and there have been quite a few over the last three years, there have been various degrees of  satisfaction in the actual sexual acts.  There may be great foreplay, and then a variety of sexual deeds, but invariably when someone cums, the other guy is out of here.  I almost wished smoking would come back in favor just because the stereotypical cigarette after sex would mean some time laying together and enjoying the afterglow. With guys from these sites, as soon as it is over they have their pants on and are out the door as quickly as possible.

And “bi sexual”. What the hell is that? By definition I am bi sexual. I have had sex with two women and married both of them, although not at the same time. I knew all the time I was homosexual and frequently fantasized about men while having sex with them. I wasn’t bi sexual. I was homosexual in denial.

Although I have not scrolled through all the pages, several times, or tried to initiate a conversation with someone whose only attraction was his “hot ass” or “studly cock”, I have been to the Squirt and Silver Daddies sites several times in the last two days.  All I did though was check who had taken a peek at me and check if any of my “buddies” were on line. I will wean myself off that bad habit too.  There have been times, in the past, when I would spend time jumping between the two sites, and maybe checking some of the secondary sites like Pond Full of Fish, or Nudist Friends, and get up from the computer to find three hours had passed before I even realized what I was doing.  There will surely be a twelve step program for men addicted to gay chat rooms.

Perhaps straight men have the same issue but they will have to deal with their own problems.  I am just concerned about myself as a gay man who wants to get out of the trap of thinking I will find love on a site that advertises itself as a place for gay men looking for sex.