Do all gay men get lonely at night?
I seem to be able to keep myself busy during the day and the early evening. I do some sewing, read, watch television and sometimes talk on the phone to my friends or family. As the evening goes on I start to feel lonely. That has probably contributed to me being on Squirt entirely too much. Hell sometimes there were two hundred men just waiting to talk to me about sex. Ya sure. I did manage to stay off line most of this evening. OK so I did chat with a guy in Cold Lake Alberta who likes to wear thongs and be naked but doesn’t get the opportunity to do it very much, because he is married. There was also a brief chat with a guy in Toronto, but it was two hours later there and he was tired. I also chatted with a guy who is from Calgary, and I have met him here a couple of times, but he is in Vancouver with his wife. Now it is 00:16 and I am going to bed by myself.
Going to bed by myself is what I do pretty much every night. You would think I would have some kind of strategy by now. I do. It is 7.5 mg tablet of Zopiclone. One pill used to work. Now I take one and a half pills. So I guess my strategy is now 9.75 mg of Zopiclone. I tried to stop cold it didn’t work. I just stayed awake all night and couldn’t function the next day. I tried replacing it with Melatonin and B12 at my doctor’s suggestion. That didn’t work either. So I will continue to put myself to sleep with chemicals I guess. That has nothing to do with being gay, and is probably symptomatic of many single men and women, gay and straight.
I have some kind of rash, itchy scalp thing going on. My doctor called it sebarreah (sp?) and prescribed some drops to clear it up. I have almost finished the second bottle of the of the drops and it is getting worse, and seems to have migrated to my eyebrows and eyelashes. Tomorrow I will try to make an appointment to see him again. What are the chances that he will be able to see me? Slim to none. So I will go to the clinic and spend the day there waiting to see some overworked doctor who is either taking extra shifts to make money or can’t afford to set up a practice of his own or is a married woman who takes shifts for the money while the kids are in school.
I have no idea how I got this condition. It started when I was on holiday in Ontario in August. I could have picked it in the bed of a guy I slept with a couple of times, at the tubs in Toronto or Montreal, in the hotel in Montreal or Renfrew or any other of the dodgey kinds of places I visited. Or being a gay man looking for love in all the wrong places might have nothing to do with it at all.
Television was in my life tonight, but there were no sit coms, a little news, and mostly television drama. I don’t know if that is better than reading, but I did do a little of that today too. I also did some sewing and should have done some house cleaniong. My apartment is starting to look like a straight man lives here, except, of course, for the sewing machine set up on my dining room table.
On a positive note I did go to church, teach a Sunday School class and go to coffee with a friend today.
Gay Life's Like That 